As a leader, you might value and protect your authority. Maybe you keep your distance to the people you manage and protect that authority. You see it as the foundation for your leadership.

The Illusion of Impeccability 🛡️

Traditionally, we have expected leaders, people in authority, or people we take advice from to be impeccable. Your manager cannot show doubt but must act with confidence. Your local police officer must be sure and unshakeable in his actions, and your therapist must maintain a distance to you and not share anything from their own life - otherwise, they lose authority.

This might be true in the short term, and it is certainly true if the alternative is a buddy-buddy management style, where befriending your staff always takes priority over common company goals. But in the long term, there is a better alternative. An alternative that is more sustainable and provides better long-term results for you, your staff, and your company.

The Real Magnet: Feeling Understood 🧲

The alternative is also the key to your staff following your lead. It does not involve being concerned with maintaining authority, and it does not involve exerting your power. Your tool as an authentic leader is making sure the people around you FEEL UNDERSTOOD. If people feel understood, they will WANT to follow you. No need to exert power, no need to call upon your formal authority as a leader. Feeling understood is the catalyst.

The proof is everywhere around us. When a politician enters the scene with a message to crack down on crime and immigration with solutions so radical it seems almost inhumane, we think, who will ever go for that? We get surprised when it turns out they have a following and a loyal one at that. We mistakenly think that they are attracted to the radical solutions proposed and must lack basic human decency. In reality, it is not the solutions that attract them, but the problems the politician addresses makes them feel understood. They feel understood and will follow that politician through thick and thin.

We see it in therapy, when the patient feels understood, and then is prepared to follow the therapist's laid-out path to an improved quality of life. And we see it in well-functioning companies with authentic leaders that understand the situation and challenges of their employees.

Empathy: The Cornerstone of Authentic Leadership 🤝

The next time, you interact with your team, employees, or co-workers don’t start with thinking how to get your point across or how to get the someone to do something. Instead, cultivate your EMPATHY and seek to understand them.

Put yourself in their shoes, try to understand their perspectives, and listen attentively to their concerns. By doing so, you demonstrate genuine care and respect for their thoughts and feelings. Empathy is not about being a mind reader or agreeing with everyone; it's about acknowledging and validating their experiences.

When people feel truly heard and understood, a powerful connection is established. They feel valued and appreciated, fostering a sense of trust and loyalty towards you as a leader. This bond goes beyond formal authority; it is the essence of authentic leadership. Because it is when you understand others that others will follow you!

Tangible Tip - The 4 Components of Empathy 💡

During your next one-on-one session, employ these four components to better understand the other person: Thinking, Feeling, Saying, and Doing. Often, we zero in solely on what people say and do, neglecting their thoughts and emotions. True understanding happens when you let the other person express all four components. Once they have, paraphrase them back—this action will make them feel understood. If your paraphrasing doesn't align with their perspective, it's crucial to compassionately inquire further.